Dr. Jeff Gardere's Advice on Teasing and Name Calling

Hi! It's the Moderator again! I've been monitoring the conversation about children picking on other children because they seem different. So I asked our clinical psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere to chime in on the discussion to give you Sunflower Moms and Sunflower Girls some tips on how to deal with it. Here is what he had to say:

"Yes, kids can be very cruel especially around the issues of name calling. The fact is they do not yet have the skills to censor their thoughts, so what we are basically left with is a verbal diarrhea; everything comes flying out. Also,because of their immaturity they do not know how to express their unbridled,sometimes hormone filled, hyperactive, emotions in an appropriate manner. So they may actually like or are attracted to another kid, but instead of saying “I like you,” they will instead pull a pigtail, punch a shoulder, or say something rude and obnoxious. It's part of their long road to maturity!

"What we need to do as parents is to help our kids better interpret, understand, express and verbalize their feelings in a more civil, loving and appropriate manner. At the same time we can also talk to our kids and prepare them for the ievitability of being taunted by other kids because of their appearance. Primarily we should get them to verbalize what has been said to them and how it makes them feel. That in itself is a great release and balm to their hurt feelings. It also gives us the opportunity to have “conversations” in order to help them understand what the taunting may actually mean and most importantly that the name calling is irrelevant, often harmless, and part of the outrageous slings and arrows of growing up."

--Dr. Jeff

If you have questions for Dr. Jeff, feel free to pose them in your comments to this post. Thanks, Dr. Jeff!

The Moderator

Love Yourself. Love Your Hair.

I'm sitting here in Laguardia Airport and thought I'd let you know that the kick off for our "Love Yourself. Love Your Hair." Campaign went well, but it's just the beginning. Dr. Jeff Gardere did a great job telling the media here in New York about the "Conversation Starters" for moms who want to impact positively the self esteem of their daughters (click on the "Advice for Moms" link). Did you know that it can all start with the conversations during your grooming ritual in the morning? Yes...a little girl's self esteem and self identity is closely linked with the way she views herself. And her hair is very much a part of that self image. You can read more about the initiative on Yahoo! News. How can you take part in this national dialogue? You can start by adding your comments to this very blog. There will be other opportunites too. Stay tuned.


Yours in texture...

The Moderator